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Ode to the Tick – A Nonpartisan Political Satire

A Lonely Tick

A single egg-laden tick struggles in the morning dew covered grass. She is cold, alone, and hungry, when suddenly she discovers a steaming pile of freshly dropped bear scat. Struggling to get closer she senses its warmth and recognizes it contains needed nutrients. Crawling on top of the heap, she rests in the warmth, feeds her soul, and lays her eggs which quickly develop into their larval stage known as seed ticks. Others of her kind find their way to the excrement and are welcomed, undergoing the same development and partaking in its benefits. Before long the heap is covered with parasites and what once was a small local community, now has become overcrowded and its behavior resembles a bunch of baboons ~ a congress of sorts.

The Threat to Humanity

Suddenly this congress is discovered by a couple of backpackers who recognize the threat to humanity and decide to eliminate it. They clear the area around this congress and pour lantern oil to encircle the threat. When a match is put to the oil a small explosion occurs, expelling two separate ticks onto the couple. One finds its way into the shirt of the woman and crawls along the skin until it reaches the underside of her breast where it attaches. The second tick lands on the pant leg of the man and crawls up it to the backside of his scrotum then attaches.

Removing the Parasites

The couple continues their trip as hosts to their unbeknownst intruders. Upon returning home the woman, through a routine external examination, discovers what she believes to be an irritating skin tag. Upon further examination in the mirror, to her horror, she discovers the tick. But she knows what to do, she gets a Q-tip moistens it and places it under the exposed legs of the tick, then gently spins the tick until it becomes disoriented and backs out of her skin and onto the Q-tip. She calls her boyfriend and encourages him to examine himself. He discovers a tick on the backside of his scrotum, follows the same procedure and removes his tick successfully. Both of them unsure what to do with their ticks decide to flush them down the toilet unaware of how resilient parasites are in adapting to their changing environment.

The Life Blood of the Host

Entering the sewer system each tick finds itself in ever increasing stench. One climbs onto a log of human excrement then assists the other up. As the two continue floating in undesirable circumstances, they begin to discuss their philosophy of life. The male tick, Democrat, explains his goal is to attach to the hind tit of his host. The female tick, Republican, spends her time in search of a set of testicles to attach to because she lacks her own. While they differ in methods, both agree the goal is to hang on long enough to gorge themselves on the life blood of their host, the American people, until they have satisfied their desires and can drop off to live the rest of their days in abundance and obscurity.

One Parasite for Another

It is interesting to note, the term politics, according to Niela M. Eliason is derived from “poly” meaning many, and “tick” defined as a blood-sucking parasite. Thus is the life cycle of American politics. Until we – the host – stop the waste, abuse, and corruption, all we are doing is exchanging one parasite for another. #letsmakeitmatter #politics #corruption #ethics #election #author #writer #watchdog #observer

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